Long time no Blog

Hmmm...it has been a while since last time I posted a blog.  Although quite a lot has happened since last time I blogged.

NaNoWriMo
I participated and one NaNoWriMo this year and won!

So I'm very excited about that.  50,000 words in a month.  Done!  Mine was entitled 'Love Never Dies' and was about a guy having to come home 10 years after the love of his life was murdered.  Taking you on his journey to forgive himself for what happened.  It's a twisty turny one with things that even I didn't see coming.  I might, if it's good enough, when it's been edited, post it somewhere.  Probably not, but you never know.

My Birthday!

During NaNoWriMo I had my 24th Birthday!

That was exciting.  My mum was whisked away to celebrate her birthday with friends so I had a Birthday with the rest of the family in an Indian.  So good.  Also went to the cinema to see the Immortals film with my dad and sister.  It was good, not worth seeing it in 3D, but still a good movie.  

I've also been shopping for Christmas!

The last thing I wanted to do was go Christmas shopping but I did it and all my presents are wrapped and just waiting to be handed out!  I'm going to be Santa tomorrow night.  Going round to deliver all my presents to my friends.

Chow for now.  Tummy is rumbling and I can here mum cooking.  Haha.

Fee x

When is the right time to say 'I Love You'?

When is the right time to tell someone you love them?  Is it the first date?  Is it the third time you shag?  Is there a specific time?  I don't know.  It's not easy.  I've been out with guys who have said "I Love You" the second we started dating...not good...though I never did actually like him, he was...and I hate to say it...a rebound guy.  I'm sure he didn't think of it that way and that when I broke up with  him that it hurt him.  My first 'boyfriend' I was thinking of ways to brake up with him when he texted me and told me that he was braking up with me.  Can you even believe it, but instead of cry about it for hours or days I was happy?  He was one that was...oh shit i'm almost finished school and haven't had a boyfriend so lets go out with him type thing...sitting here reading this over again I sound like a cold heartless bitch :-/

I've had feelings for people for years and they have rejected me after having asked them out it didn't hurt, but it wasn't nice either.  I think I must have come to the conclusion that I am never going to get the guys I like because they are all very much unattainable.  There either married, gay or just not into me that way.  Some of them don't even know I exist.  OK off topic slightly.  Back to it.

A friend of mine has recently been ripped in two by a guy, she loved him but he didn't love her back.  She told him and he rejected her.  It just got me thinking about when it was the right time to tell someone you loved them.  I've never said it to anyone...other than my family, but that's a given really isn't it.  You have to love your family, they are the only ones you've got.

Answers in the  comments if you like :-)

xx

Rant About The Gym!!

Was just sitting talking to someone on Facebook when something just snapped in me and I ranted a lot about the Gym and how much someone I know pisses me off about it so decided that Blogger was a better place than Facebook Chat to rant about something!

I have a friend, god love her, but she bugs the shit out of me about my 'not going to the gym'.

I do go to the gym, I go as often as I can.  I go when I have the time.  I go to Zumba at least once a week at the gym that I joined, I go to the gym at least once if not more than once a week (if you ask me to go out to entertain you then I will go instead of going to the gym).  I have got a busy life, even when I'm on holiday I'm not really on holiday, I choose to go do things that I wouldn't normally do.

'You need to be more organised,' 'You need to push yourself more', 'You need to just get on with it and do it even if it hurts' these are just some of the things she says to me and it just keeps going round and round and round and round until I can't stand it anymore and just switch off because I will blow my head off or snap her in half if I keep hearing her talking to me.

I'm sorry but SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!  I just do want her to shut up.  It drives me insane.

Since when do you go to the gym and it's a good thing that you bugger your lower back up by going at it too hard.  Since when do you want someone to go and tell you that your not doing enough when you go to the gym and you can do so much more since you started.  Progression takes time and you have to push yourself but you need someone to be there for you to say 'Well done, congratulations, that's awesome'. not 'your not doing enough, your not pushing yourself enough, no pain no gain,'  I'm doing more than I used to do but it just isn't enough.  I'm starting to feel that nothing I will ever do is going to be good enough for her.  That eventually she will just make me snap and I won't even have her as a friend, and I still want her as a friend.

She's also annoyed? if that's the right word, about the fact that I go to one Zumba class a week outwith the gym.  I go because I go with a colleague at work who I like to go to Zumba with, we have been going to the classes together since before I started at the gym, I'm not going to stop just for her. 

This is making me sound like a right bitch but at the moment I can't stand it anymore, I think if I didn't have an outlet I would snap at her then it would be carnage.  I bite my tong because it's better than the alternative.

I feel some what better now about the whole thing.

Fee :-)
xox

Planning the outfit!

I have a meet up today with a friend.  He's one of those friends that you know he likes you but you don't like him in that way.  You don't want to look attractive and give them the wrong impression however you do want to feel like if a guy saw you from across the room he would take notice of you and think 'wow'.  Where does it start...what do you where to look sexy but not that sexy that he gets the wrong impression?

I went to a colleagues wedding reception earlier this month...that was one hell of a planning for an outfit.  I bought the shoes before anything else (I couldn't resist them, so cute), then spent the rest of the week looking for something to where on my top and bottom halves.  Thing is...I knew it when I saw it first time but was determined to get a dress not a top.  Alas I ended up with the top.

There's also the going to work thing.  I personally don't like waring anything attractive to work because I don't want people to actually see me.  They know me because of the brains I have (I know I have brains...shock horror) not because of the clothes that I ware and the lack of brains I have.  One of my friend keeps pointing out things that she thinks would make me look sexy at work...what if I don't want to look sexy at work?  My job is a hands on job that means bending and lifting boxes and walking around a lot so putting on a dress and heels isn't really practical.  You can still look attractive in a vest top and black trousers.

There is also the 'going to see family' outfit.  I think out of all the 'planning for an outfit's' this is the worst one yet.  I've got on my clothes that I'm comfy in then mum will mention 'not those jeans again, they look awful' or something to that effect then I will go into my room and look at, try on and take off every single item of clothing I have till I find my room looking a mess and I have my mum shouting at me telling me we have to leave.  I end up putting on the things that I started with in the first place with a different pair of jeans on or something like that feeling worse than when I started but apparently looking better.

Till next time

Fee x

New Car Continued...

So today was the first full day of driving!  I passed all the tests:

1. The roundabout I crashed on
2. Driving through a barrier
3. Driving up the multi-story car pack at Union Square
4. Reverse parking into a parking space
5. Parking up at home

I also spent all day driving and I didn't crash the car.  I'm still scared shitless but at least I know I can do it.

Fee x

New Car

I crashed my car...two weeks maybe three weeks ago.  Turns out it's a total loss.  Today I went down to my Gran's to buy her car.  Ever since I knew I was getting it I have had this really horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm going to crash it again.  Also that I'm gonna possibly go with it this time (horrid thought, but thats something I can't help) and I can't sleep because that's all I can keep thinking about.

I had this dream the other night about being in the car and someone hitting me head on.  I'm not one to normally get mad, but I seemed to be really annoyed and started shouting at this woman for hitting me.  It was really bad, I think then her mother came out and calmed everyone down... and that would be where the dream ended.  But it was scary and I never want to have the happen to me.

I also feel the pressure because it was Grans car and that Grandad would kill me if it so much as got scratched even though it isn't his car.  

All of this added to the stress of life in general at the moment is possible one of the many reason why the 'disturbing thoughts' part of OCD are coming back with a vengeance.  Just wanting to crash the car or push someone in front of the bus that's coming.  I would never do it, but it's disturbing all the same.

First time driving tomorrow to where the car was actually crashed, I know I have to do it at some point as it is on my way into work, but still not something I like doing.  I have never gone back to the top of the ASDA carpark where I crushed my door because I was so scared of doing the same thing again,  I'm also scared I'm never going to brake in time ever again.  OMG!  I must stop typing now as I'm starting to scare the shit out of myself.  Going to watch a film and fall asleep.  Dad may hate me for doing it, but it's better than not sleeping at all.

Till next time

Fee x

The Gym

I am not the biggest fan of the gym.  I am a member of a gym, but I don't think I use it enough to warrant the £41 they take out of my account every month.  Every time I have the intention of going it's normally restricted time that I make for myself.  Like going before work...have to be out by 8am or I won't get to work, or going after work...I'm meeting someone at some time later that night and have to be out by 7pm...stupid things like that.  I always go on the treadmill, I could go to classes, but I never have the 'time' to go to them...just an excuse really, I could make the time, I don't have to go to a friends house after work all the time, I don't have to go to this class at this time.  I don't have to give my dad a lift home at night after drinking.

I also have this little problem where, when I work out, I don't sweat, I just turn pink.  It looks less attractive than sweating (some people, I will admit, look attractive when they sweat, some not all).  I just turn pink.  I think it has something to do with the lack of juice or water I drink on a daily basis :-(  not enough in there to bring it out, so just turn me pink instead.   Grrrr.  If anyone has any tips on how to drink when doing things (I just tend to forget to...I know, not normal) please let me know. Thanks!  :-D

Fee x

P.S  If you know me, tell me to bloody well go to some classes at the gym!  Thanks ;-) x

Give me something to be happy about

This week has been on of those weeks where you just want to curl up in bed and never come out.  So many things needing done and so many of them not getting done or causing my brain to cry out for something good to happen.  People coming and asking me questions I don't know the answers to, people coming and asking me to do two things with the same deadline and importance...grrrr.

Two of my friends ain't happy either, one of them is just...depressed and the other, on the verge of depression.  Being the friend I am, I will talk to them and I will comfort them in what ever way I can, but it get's me too, I need something to be happy about otherwise I will go mad, maybe that's why I've become such a shopping addict, or an apple addict (the store, not the fruit, though I do like the fruit). Also I'm a massive Lush addict as well now, and I think I got another friend into it too eeek.., It's eating into my bank account.  Ahh well, you only live once, and I am saving so it's not that bad.  :-D
xx

Things that Irritate Me!

Facebook Games:
I love playing the Games on Facebook.  What I don't like is the fact the almost all of them have a energy bar and you have to wait until you have enough energy to play more of the games.

HD:
OK I know 90% of the population love HD and they think that it's amazing...get ready for it "I don't see a fucking difference!" and I don't care if no one speaks to me again.  I just don't like it....

3D:
What the fuck is with every single movie I want to see coming out in 3D.  I'm sorry but you don't take out the last Harry Potter film in 3D...it doesn't make any sense to me.  Or any other film for that matter.  It gives you a headache, the glasses don't fit small heads, the glasses don't fit over normal glasses and it makes you dizzy.  Who in there right mind likes this??

Blu-Ray:
OK I know that's HD...but I don't see the fucking point in it!!!  "Coming out on Blu-Rey and DVD...Monday!!!"  As you already know I can't tell the fucking difference...OK the sea might be more blue...but I don't give a shit.  If I can see it...what does it matter if it's more defined???

Limited Book / CD / DVD Shops aka Downloading:
I don't get it.  I love going into a bookshop or a shop with CDs, DVDs.  I like to pretend smell the books and handle the CDs and DVDs, not just download them which takes forever in the first place.  And the time it takes to download keeps changing...8 minutes left...6 minutes left....2 minutes left...10 minutes left....3 minutes left.  It drives me crazy.

Kindle etc. Adverts:
I love books and I would never...ever...ever give them up for an electronic device not even if you paid me...I like to hold a book in my hands not a slab of....stuff.  God save the world if we couldn't use electronic devices...OK I know I'm obsessed with the internet and I use my computer a lot but I could survive without it...it would be hard...but I could.  I would have books.

Randome Phone Calls About NOTHING!!!:
OK  I know this has nothing to do with the person phoning me and more to do with me being in the middle of doing something important (in my mind)...but still...my brain can't handle this anymore.

The Orange Advert:
Need I say more...OK I will...It's on every time we go to the cinema.  This would be fine if we went once a month or irregularly.  But we go at least once a week if not more and sometime we watch more than one film in that day...it never changes.  And also it's now advertising films that are coming out...and they play them for ever.  Even after the film is out!!!  It was funny the first time and a relief but now it's just irritating.

And now I feel better.  :-D

Fee xx

Third Time Lucky!

OK…so a friend of mine was supposed to be doing a Skydive this morning for the first time after already two failed attempts due to the wind and also because someone was stupid enough to jump and land on his feet and brake his ankles or something like that.  I don't know what is wrong with people when they do something and don't actually follow the one and only thing they were supposed to do…keep your feet up and let the instructor land you.  Anyway getting back to my point…

She was so adamant that it would be third time lucky…she actually said to me

"Come on…it has to happen, third time lucky has to happen"

Turns out that once again she wasn't able to do it, due to the wind being too high and the clouds too low.

Third Time Luck…How much can we take this into consideration.  I didn't pass my driving test till the fourth time.  Also I didn't get my job from the third interview I had.  I didn't even get a third time lucky boyfriend…still haven't got one :-(.  How much does third time luck run peoples lives.  Or for that matter how much do any of these sayings, myth's and superstitions run our lives?  Do you walk under a ladder or do you put yourself in danger and walk on the road…do you have lucky pulling pants…do you jump over cracks in the road to save your mother…when you see a black bird do you bow and ask it how it is?…do you go in the opposite direction when you see a black cat about to cross your path?  Why do we let these things run our lives.  Do you really get 7 years bad luck if you brake a mirror?

My friend has had two bad ending relationships in the past and she was hoping…I know this is going to sound mad and I tend to agree with you…if she was able to do this Skydive Third time Lucky then maybe she will find the perfect guy…Third Time Lucky.  When she heard she couldn't do the jump because of the wind and the clouds…well she wasn't in the best of moods.  I think she's just going to give up on men.  She's said it in the past.

"Your better off without men…the fuck you around until they don't want you anymore then they fuck off" or words to that effect.

I admit, I do some of those things, I walk on the road instead of under a ladder but I think that has more to do with my fear of the ladder collapsing and the person on it landing on me or the ladder and crushing me to death.  I don't believe in third time lucky…it's just a myth…law of averages.  I think you create bad luck by thinking you have it.  Friday the 13th is a classic example…anything goes wrong on Friday 13th, it's because it's Friday the 13th, not just because everything would have happened had it been Friday 13th or not.  

Maybe God didn't want her to do they skydive because our friend couldn't make it…maybe said fried prayed that it wouldn't go ahead because he couldn't go and see it (I don't think that's the case, but it's just a possibility).  We don't know why things happen the way they do.  I'm not a religious person at all…my friends will be the first person to tell you that…but I do believe that everything happens for a reason whether it be a good or bad thing.  I don't get the job because then I wouldn't have met such and such a person…I didn't choose Economics at the first year of college course because then I would have met someone too early.

Anyway she's going to book her next skydive for her Birthday in June…keeping everything crossed that she can do it.

Hope you have an amazing day.

Fee xxx 

2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I don't have many new years resolutions this year but here they are:

1.  Keep better care of myself

2.  Drink way more fluids (I suffer from the affects of dehydration from not drinking enough all the time)

3.  Make Life Happen

I've always sat around waiting for life to happen, waiting for the guy that I like to ask me out, waiting for the fat to drop off me.  All those things, and I've done nothing to get them.  This year is a new year.  I'm going to buck up my ideas and get on with life.  I'm going to get the guy and I'm going to survive if he doesn't want me.  It's not the end of the world.  It's his loss if he doesn't want me.  :-D

OK I have done something about the fat dropping off me but I didn't start it by choice, I had to be pushed into it, and thank god I did get pushed into it because god knows where I would have been without it.  

New Year...New Me.

I say that every year but this year I really do mean it.  I've been on holiday by myself for the first time.  I've lost almost 2 stone with weight watchers and I've become an all round better person for it.  Healthier and happier in myself.

Wow I'm babbling again.

If anyone out there reads this and has ideas on how I can drink more it would be very much appreciated. I can't seem to do it, I wait until the first signs of dehydration to kick in before I drink anything.

HAPPY NEW YEAR and Hope 2011 is a much better and brighter one than 2010.

Fee xxx